...and these days we're back to using dialup to connect.
Lagging. Lots of lagging.
I guess the biggest difference between them and us is that I know your name and you know mine. We've known each other's names for years now.
I, to this day, don't really remember how we came into each other's realm of existence. You contacted me first, though. I remember that. And, while I'll admit I discontinued a number of early conversations, it was never due to a lack of interest.
In fact, I thought of you often.
You were a mystery.
I dug your brain. I admired your ability to care for others. I saw a little bit of myself in you. I had never found it so easy to open up to someone. It was weird. I felt vulnerable.
I'm oblivious most of the time. I never really noticed that you kinda liked me. Not until that night in early March. We talked a lot and whatever crush was already there just grew to a head and I had to pop it. Expose it. Release it. Make it REAL.
I squeezed a little too hard and lots of gross stuff came out.
You weren't ready for that IRL stuff. You cancelled plans enough times for me to get some sorta hint.
But, here's the thing: I don't get why.
But, I want to. I want to get it.
Was it just a game? A thing to fixate on? A thing to prove? Anything other than what it seemed?
I've done a pretty good job of just leaving you be. I read social cues in bold text. But, here's the thing: I can't help but cringe when I think of what a waste it would be to let this connection (whether it be friendship or more) decay and blow away into the East River like the ashes of all our other missed opportunities.
Mysteries drive me nuts. That's why I spend an abundant amount of time solving them. I hate the not knowing. The not understanding. The silence. The unanswered questions.
This is just another on the docket.
Another case file taking up shelf space.
"Anyway, I so wanted to talk to you... You don't seem like the kind of person that would do something like that. The odd thing about this form of communication is you're more likely to talk about nothing than something. But I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many... somethings. So, thanks."
Friday is so close and I'd love to see you there.
do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers