Just a few observations from a human being who rides the F train:
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[Taken from actual events]
1. If you're going to be a beggar, don't come wildly running onto the train with no shoes, stinking like you slept in a fucking stable, while screaming some guttural yawp and expect people to give you money. You look like a botulism stricken yeti.
2. When you're a retarded hip hop douche wearing a thugged out maternity wear t-shirt, you ought to check the volume on your headphones. I don't mind that they're loud, I just think that when you are trying to look really hard you probably don't want everyone knowing that you're listening to 'I ain't too proud to beg' by TLC.
3. Congratulations. You didn't suffocate on that long voyage in shipping container, and now you've finally made it to America. Just a little advice: take the time to look around and notice nobody else is transporting live chickens in a DHL box on the F train.
4. If you want to bring the 13x7 foot wood mantle frame back to your house, do yourself a solid, and take a cab or have it shipped.
5. If you're a hassidic Jew and you are making out with a black tranny hooker—I say mozeltov, motherfucker...mozeltov.
6. When you were born, your mother always dreamed you would use your hands to shovel that fetid tin of pork-fried rice into your cold sore riddled mouth. She's so proud of you.